Hands hesitating, arms wrapped around the body. From the back one would say embraced by somebody else. But only the self is there. Maybe barely visible. It clutches, nonetheless, to something; where the fingertips touch the thin cotton of the shirt. Always something keeps them apart. It wraps itself, tries to touch; wants to find matter, seeks to remember, to feel there. From the back one would say embraced by somebody else. It’s may be all that keeps the back up. The shirt traces the curve of the upper flank and the spine, and the hand copes this curve with a small bend of the fine ligaments in the wrist. The palm will not flatten; it finds no comfort on the back of itself. This is why the fingers hesitate to grasp wholly the chest they tentatively embrace. The head looks sideways, downwards. The eyes are glassy, not in texture but in reflection. Anyone who looks would sees their own self before the other. Look up! they expect not to see anything; their expectations are in line with the thinness of their cotton clothes. Hands cannot find ease here, for they are not home.
Marked by histories that they had not written, hands none
the less, try to inscribe an identity that they were not given. Moulding place.
Creating space. Will they ever find one? Touch flesh and feel it like their
Once upon a time, The Word
created unicity. Definitions were given, gender assigned, colour eradicated.
The one and only white heterosexual, able bodied male, full of wisdom and
logic, apparently, never understood that skin experiences life differently. The
word, with all its death upon which it constructs itself, the flesh succeeds in
exceeding it. Bodily boundaries become porous in an always already
inter-relationality. Linguistic materiality. Me becoming you, a name, you, a
name becoming me. I taste you in the corner of my eye. P-A- R-K- E-R are the
letters that drip on a fleshy horizon. P-A- R-K- E-R is what bleeds
multicoloured realities through the violence of he who speaks. P-A- R-K- E-R
becomes multiple in tangibility
I introduced myself to him his name is PARKER. He is skinny and tall wiry had a grey beanie long dirty hair pointy nose and he seemed nice. He was very quiet and didn’t say much. I helped him hold the sheets in place while he lined them up straight. We had a smoke he didn’t talk much he smoked a lot and he inhaled on his cigarettes a lot and the ash stayed on for a long time which was kind of scary. I said hello he said hi I said another day in paradise he laughed he said he hated this job in particular I asked him how long he had done this for he said six years
he was probably about 28.
He said look at the cute puppies and it was actually a pile of socks ,
its too expensive to get addicted he had a lot of experience with it though
Parker left the keys in the car accidentally
Ronnie was laughing a lot saying how do you get into these situations Parker
I said ill see you around, he said “no you probably won’t”
From where Delia Kombe came from, in fact, it had been dark
for one hundred years. Every night turned into a night that turned into a
night. Peoples eyesight was increasingly sensitive to the variations in the
different shades of black, and it was rustling in one of these charcoal veils
that she was first seen stirring. In the back of an alley, in an architectural
womb so tucked away that it was warm and moist and comfortable, Delia was
silently waving her arms. The first name came from somebody's nan who expired
just as the wriggling burned pink creature was picked up for examination.
Kombe was a generic African
surname who someone at the scene thought up, and it suited because the baby was
definitely of mixed descent. It's hard to tell but those puffy cheeks and slit
eyes could have had something Asian in them. So there was a distant reference
to the Japanese seaweed, just in case.
They had been introduced at a restaurant by a friend. Felt the wrench in the gut. It's a rare feeling but we mostly recognise it; like something has been pulled swiftly downward. The unconscious repetition of bodily cycles is punctured for a second. A scalpel slicing, a slap on the face, you almost shit yourself. You become aware it could all fall apart; this person, this moment, your gut itself, has in fact no place to go; one place to go. Naturally, most people don't. Nothing will be made nor broken; it's not up to you. Things are decided and so life continues. The moment of recognition may come as a surprise to those less accustomed to instability. In the restaurant, such a moment. The sticky-looking fake black wood on those small square tables one finds in many Asian restaurants. The soup spilled; the throat scalded; the chopsticks clicked as they rolled off the edge with the nervous twitch of a finger. The lights were fluorescent and reminded each of a place in their childhood, though both would only learn from the other much later that they recalled the same place. Most people don't permit themselves to seize each other, themselves. Recognition can slide away without practice because knowledge is terrifying and better stay where we are.
The moon rises without concern for the luminosities of the
mind. Gravitational pulls play games with the sun. And blanket the fear in
clarity with intensity, an opaque lucidity.
An agitated tide bulged with
bodies as the State stood in a statue. Flesh together manifests movement.
Pulling one towards another, an other towards an other another in a political
embrace. Different voices rebounded in dissonant resonance. Hands signed in
conversation. We generated a vibrating heterogeneity.
We no longer live in forced
anonymity for we have met. The system that works to segregate ceases to be
effective. Gathering we feel together the violence of prejudice. All of our
reflections are now in the shields, batons, tear gas and cells. Joined through
multiple desires that cry. We are the invisibilised becoming visible beneath
the hope of the moon.
Friends went to town and had imaginary conversations under the moon they then came home and he PARKER set the breakfast table for guests which were actually just empty boxes and plants.
The dealer hopped in and so did the two unknown guys in the back. There was confusion over who they were whether they were guests or not, in the car and they all had some then the dealer got out and left, Parker asked what they were doing and they asked for a ride to manger he was going that way and said ok.
at the lights the guy exited the car to shift from the back seat to the front Parker drove forward and hit him on accident he wasn’t happy he was now angry
He talked about work with this guy and he asked if Parker knew his uncle Ronnie Parker said yea i work with him he thought Parker was lying so he said lets go to his house then. Parker drove there Parker and the other guy got out of the car Parker left the keys in the car accidentally while the other guy was still in the car.
“Shit, mate", he mumbled to no one in particular.
This, for him, was a classic: forgetting the obvious, that could prevent the
He had a turnaround moment.
Enough. I'll shed my identity,
shed it like an old lizard's skin, and make my way with a new raw set of
epithelial cells. There are areas of my brain which haven't been used since my
uncles stopped eating bananas and switched to hamburgers. I'll be the new
banana man. Their eyes crossed: the guy, sheepish, was revving the motor and
backing out as quick as possible. He replied by pushing his sunnies off his
nose with his finger. He gave him the most heartfelt deadpan. What's a car. He
couldn't care less. He'd walk places.
From the window, watching him make his way down the street,
the feeling was one of relief mixed with profound loss and regret. She always felt
like this when people went away, even if she knew it was only temporary. She
also felt like this whenever she herself left. She reached across the kitchen
bench and clasped the edge of the sink with her right hand, her weight pressed
into the wrist as she craned her neck to watch the last speck of him disappear
out of her vision’s capacity. At this point, she abruptly turned away from the
window and walked to the round table. On it, her telephone. Head bowed, she
dialled. It rang out and she lowered her arm. She waited, staring blankly at
the unkempt piles of papers and books before her, no recognition. All seemed
calm, correct posture, etc., but within she reeled; she needed to make it clear
she needed him more than anything. She dialled again. This time it connected.
She felt relieved and guilty; repulsed she couldn’t deal with the loss alone.
Hiding, her voice answers: “Oh, darling, sorry, I dialled your number
automatically without thinking… I’ll see you later on. I’m sorry!”
“Later on”, you whisper to yourself as you put down the phone. It means everything. It means nothing. There have been many “later on”s with her. The ambiguity always keeps you there though. On the other end of the line, as they say. And you never tell her this. It’s a secret - “your hidden liberty” - that helps you believe that you are completely independent despite the obvious contrary. It scares you, reliance and waiting. “Are you free to catch up?” you say, to anyone but her.
Imaginary conversations begin appearing through speech bubbles hovering above other peoples heads.
You hear a response “yes iPod ps3 etc in the car accidentally”
they walked up to Ronnie, Ronnie said hey blah blah blah the car disappeared down a road lined by a group of those houses that all look the same and the tarseal is really smooth and everyone has a small front lawn which seems artificial. The other person stole it Parker asked Ronnie about it.
I was ok, I mean I was sad I was really sad.
and he got the other guy to bring it back they both said sorry, Ronnie was laughing a lot saying how do you get into these situations haha. He liked this. He told me other stories as well.
One bouquet of words followed an Autumn rose bush of more
words, which turned into winter and the moisture droplets exhaled with each
vowel crystallised, forming temporary suspended ice clouds. Misarranged, the
particles fell one at a time to the floor producing the subtlest cracking
sound. Eventually the talking died out and it started to rain.
Eleanor Weber is a writer and founder of EFFE, living in
Kate Russell is a performer, writer and PhD student
(Université Paris 8) based in Paris, France.
Alex Chalmers is an artist based in Berlin, Germany.
Catherine Borra is a physiotherapist and former curator. She's interested in movement.
Design Ella Sutherland
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